When the making of Christmas memories is just a memory

A lot of the blogs I follow are from young wives and mothers.  Sweet families setting up their traditions.  I remember being in their shoes.  Making Christmas special for my kiddos.  Wanting to make memories with them that they would take with them when they started their own families.  Well, here I am. My kids are grown up, and they indeed are taking their traditions with them and establishing their own.  So what does that mean to this empty nester?  For the past couple years I have been trying to get my head around how that looks... and feels.  It's hard!  For 25 plus years I worked hard at building those traditions, and now I somehow feel like a Who house after the Grinch has come through and left not even a crumb big enough for a Who mouse; empty and ransacked.  What does a mom do when her kids are grown and gone, and sometimes can't even make it home for the holidays?  All the movies are watched alone.  The tree is decorated as beautifully as before, but only seen by your eyes throughout the season.  The smell of cookies still fill the air, but the only one who is eating them is YOU!  The tight jeans are proof of that!

Sure, there are parties for hosting.  This year we had three.  And they do help to fill my time with the planning and preparing.  But when everyone goes home at the end of the night, it seems to leave me feeling more tired then warmed.  

I was listening to a song on the radio in my errand running the other day.  It's a beautiful song, and I  find myself singing along with it.  It says, "The only gift I'll ever need is the joy of family.  Oh why?  'Cause that's Christmas to me."  It struck me that THAT is my problem.  My sole focus for years has been on my family.  Making traditions and memories all based on them.  It's a lovely focus, but the problem is, when family is no longer available to come around, it leaves us empty and quite frankly, alone.  What a huge burden to put on my family, to fill such a deep hole.  Ironically a hole that I have dug myself!

I know the true meaning of Christmas.  I celebrate the birth of Christ.  Don't I?  I sing the carols of the Christ child.  My favorite song is Silent Night.  I can quote Luke chapter 2 from memory!  I have bits and pieces of those carols and that scripture throughout my house in my decor.  But in my HEART, I must admit, there has been no room.  For it has been filled these 25 plus years with traditions and the making of memories.  The creating of the "magic" of the season for my kids.  And now that they are gone, it is filled with me trying to recreate the magic in my home by decorating  every inch of my house.  Oh why?  I guess 'cause that's been Christmas to me!

How wrong I have been.  Oh to have the power to turn back time and recreate those memories once more.  To make Christ the TRUE meaning of the season and the center of those traditions.  I can't do that, but I need to start now, today in my own heart.  I need to make this my new tradition, and allow it to leave me not feeling empty and ransacked, but full of grace.  Full of giving.  Full of the love that the Father has bestowed on us by giving His only begotten son.    Who was willing to humble himself to become a helpless babe on that first Christmas morn so that He could grow up and be the ultimate sacrifice for this sinful heart of mine.

This year, may I start a new tradition in my heart.  To truly make Christmas about Him.  To the one who was born to be my friend.  HE knows my need.  Because my weakness, He is no stranger!  Behold my king!  Before HIM may I lowly bow and make the center of this season.